Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
