I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
