she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You ruined the universe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
