we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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