I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
