I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
