I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
