a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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