how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
