Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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