You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
