today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
