Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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