Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
