Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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