Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
