Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
