it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
