She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
