I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
