I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My liver just had a heart attack.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
