its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
