His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
