If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
