i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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