I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
