Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i've created a new STD.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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