my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
