i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
