Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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