we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
