are you still at the devil's house?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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