dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
