Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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