he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
