Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
