Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
