KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
