I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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