haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
