fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
