I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
