So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
