Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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