all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
