oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
