Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
