he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
