Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
