Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
