i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
