i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Welp...herpes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
