Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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