he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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