i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
