I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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